Whenever in doubt, start with the heart. That’s where I am going to begin with, with an open and honest heart. I lost my voice, whatever little I had in the form of this blog, in the last few years. Mainly for two reasons: laziness and fear.
Laziness in my actions and also in efforts to overcome my fear of unnecessary judgement. Thirteen years into this blog and I am still grappling with the dynamics of the online world.
The dilemma of wanting to have an earning blog and simultaneously not wanting my family and friends to read it. But as happens with every blogger, what you write is mainly read by family and friends, and never by millions of unknown readers that every writer aspires to have.
Now I don’t want to write for these readers of mine. Or better still, I don’t want them to read my blogs and judge me for whatsoever reasons. They know me for years, some live with me and some have an idea of me.
Every known person associates the blog post in relation to his personal equation with me, which makes writing freely a bit cumbersome. The baggage of relationships is difficult to navigate. I fear upsetting one person or the other in my life.
My blog post is my viewpoint and obviously one-sided version of any idea or event. Most of the time what happens is some people may get offended for sharing everything on blog, even if posted without names, as the person involved knows its about them.
This fear of judgement clouds my perception and theirs too. Now, what is the point of writing if I can’t say what I feel. That is akin to living life as we live, diplomatically, by staying silent or ignoring many things to make things work. My laziness of actually not writing and inability to get over this judgement made me silent.
And yes, another important impediment in writing a blog post is with age, words fail you often. I have gravitated more towards feeling the feelings than vocalizing them here. I don’t feel the same need to preserve my words as I had once.
The only strong force that makes me write here is that someone in some corner of the world may read it and identify with it. As I did with so many bloggers growing up. They were my only saving grace.
What if, what if, my words may offer same solace to someone in their times of need. That’s my only motivation, and the reason I have been coming here, albeit so inconsistently.
Here’s hoping more blog posts and some action in this stagnant space of blogging.