Where can I buy my happiness? Will you give me happiness?

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1.3 billion pulsating hearts in 3.287 million km square. In this vast expanse of mankind and our temporal existence, how much can we extend ourselves to others? How much can we make ourselves available to ‘The Other’ in need while keeping our sanity alive? With our lives stretched in between jobs, kids, spouse, house duties, aging parents, maids and the meals, how much minutes can we spare for “the other (s)” Besides, how much can we peak into others’ lives and minds? Where to draw the line between “asking about well-being” and “invading the privacy.” How many times is it enough to knock at the neighbour’s door when he/she/they do not respond? Better still, how many times would you like a knock at your door before you open your house and hearts to the neighbour?

Moving a little deeper, what are the odds that the loved ones you are regularly meeting with share their lives and its myriad problems with you. In how many relationships can you claim your right beyond the formal “How are you doing, how’s life going”? At the most, we talk about weather, the lockdown, what’s cooking in kitchen, the Netflix web series, the latest news, the woes of middle-class living and our minimal bits and itches. When do we reach that phase where we share with each other the problems we are having with our minds and life?

Closer home, how many of us physically stay with our aging parents and care about their quotidian needs? As mundane as fetching them a glass of water every time their feet ache or providing them home-cooked food. We may provide for them financially but does that outweigh the old-age loneliness? Are the children to be judged for choosing careers in metros and countries abroad. For parents not moving in with them?

In our web of the world, sometimes most of the times, equations and situations are beyond our control. Even then, I have seen everyone putting in their best, more than often, in their life roles. Still, we falter, and may end up closing ourselves for the fear of being hurt again. And life’s vicissitudes continues…

Now what? Who takes charge of our happiness? Where can I buy my happiness? Will you give me happiness? Can we barter, please?

“People want pretty much the same things: They wanted to be happy. Most young people seemed to think that those things lay somewhere in the future, while most older people believed they lay in the past.”
― Nicholas Sparks, Nights in Rodanthe

We all know how fragile happiness is. And vastly different. Like most things in life, the sooner we learn to be independent in our happiness, the better it is. Let us put the onus of our happiness on ourselves. Let us not burden others to keep us happy and thriving. Everyone has a lot on their plate. Let’s mindfully focus on our plate while sharing a buffet with others. We share, we nibble—-bits and bites from others’ plates too. But to satiate our hunger, our plate is enough.

Finding the right balance between social and solitary needs may sometimes takes a lifetime. I am not sure if we can ever figure out life completely. We may take charge of one aspect but find the other has gone wild. Once you get the much-desired job, performing well is the new challenge. Once you attain that, sustaining the success stares you in the face.

It’s only after oscillating in life’s pendulum we realise this is how things are meant to be. We may never arrive but can gain the wisdom to handle life’s exigent situations in our little ways. This is called experience, growing up, aging, evolving or whatever you may deem right. So the next time I have a feeling “I am unhappy”, I will look up to myself and say, “time to take charge.” Even if that means seeking professional help in dealing with issues beyond my control.

Another realm of reality is, we all know enough yet there are slip-ups. There is no guarantee tomorrow I may imbibe all these ideal teachings I am preaching right now. Life is such, and it makes it all the more important to work on ourselves and our happiness every day. To stay strong in dark times and sail through easily in times of despair. Let us safeguard our happiness just the way we protect our borders. Let us be vigilant and conscious. It’s a work-in-progress and will always be.

May you be happy. May you thrive. In solitude and togetherness!!!

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(PS: I am no expert. I have failed in life more than often. All I have with me is imperfect understanding of life gained by living for 40 odd years.)

 

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